Wing Commander: The Secret Missions Review

After playing Vortex I was hoping there would not be another space shooter that would fail me and bring me pain, but then Wing Commander steps in and makes sure my pain hurts like lemon juice and salt being poured on a cut while getting my nipples twisted by the hulk for every time I don't laugh at a Bob Saggot joke. Yes, it's that painful to me. The product descriptor says to get ready for the most intense and exciting shooter action. Problem is, there is no excitement and there is nothing intense or awesome about this awful game.
WHAT THE GAME IS: You must save the universe, plain and simple, the storyline needs no more explanation. It's a space shooter, except it has a first-person view... and it sucks. The far superior Starfox had some first-person shooter sequences, and it worked so much better than this, and it was actually exciting and damn awesome.
GRAPHICS: These graphics look like a mixed bag. Sometimes the game looks like it came from the 8-bit era, and other times it looks like a sub-par 16-bit game. In other words, it sucks.
MUSIC: What is this? It sounds like the music that would come from an arcade game in the 80's and is not very good.
SOUND: Shooting, explosions, annoying alarms that basically signal a death that wasn't your fault.
GAMEPLAY: This game eats bag, in fact it eats a doggy bag of vomit and asparagus piss. It is very difficult to locate an enemy on the damn screen, and the radar doesn't help either to make matters worse. Not to mention you have no idea where the hell you're supposed to go. You barely know where an enemy is and when you desperately search for them, you get bombarded by shots by them and you will most likely die before you can kill them. Oh, and there are barely enemies to see as well, so the game has a barren feel to it on top of the numerous other problems this game contains. Oh, and you have a fuel bar you have to pay attention to as well.
OVERALL: TOTAL CRAP!! This game is so awful it's worse than Vortex. This game is an insult to all space shooters and its not even worth a nickel or even deserve to be in a bargain bin. There are hardly any good things to speak of this game, as it will only bore you greatly, piss you off with its busted gameplay, and pickpocket your wallet. Games of this genre that are actually recommendable read as follows: Gradius, Panzer Dragoon, Starfox, Colony Wars, Novastorm, R-Type, Star Force, Pleiads, Planet Smashers, Strato Fighter, Geometry Wars, and Space Invaders. There are more than this as well, but avoid this game, it's not even deserving of any of your money, a rental, or for that matter a brief stare at the cover.
THE GOOD: The moments when you can kill an enemy, some okay music sequences.
THE BAD: Good luck trying to find your opponent or where you're supposed to go, ugly graphics, busted gameplay, and it's worse than Vortex.

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Product Description:
You¿re the pilot of the space carrier Tiger¿s Claw, and you¿re currently knee-deep in a deadly battle with the Kilrathi Empire. In WING COMMANDER: The Secret Missions, you¿ve got to destroy this weapon and restore peace to the intergalactic world. As you progress through the game, it automatically adjusts to fit your abilities from Easy to Professional mode so pilots of all skill levels can enjoy the game. If you¿re ready for some of the most intense space fighting you¿ve ever seen, then get ready for WING COMMANDER: The Secret Missions.

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