Hydlide Review

Ok, I was not stupid enough to go out and buy this game. If there's one thing I hate it's buying a game you think is gonna be at least bearable and finding out you were horribly wrong. I only rented this horrible excuse for a game. There's only one thing this game's good for, and that's to torture somebody. I keep an emulated copy and a copy of the soundtrack on my computer just for that purpose. Sometimes when I feel I've done something particularly dumb I punish myself in one of two ways, either by playing this game or by making myself listen to its horrible music. Anyway, let's break it down into categories.
Control 1-1000000. What, pray tell, is this? You hold down the A button and charge blindly into your enemies...at least you do if you want to inflict decent damage, and then more often than not you die. The instruction book calls this "switching between Attack and Defend mode." What I call it is pure [junk]! Whoever did the controls to this game must have been hopped up on dope!
Gameplay 1-10. Run blindly into enemies, collecting no reward save a very rare and usually lame level gain. A horrible attempt at an Action/RPG.
Audio 1-100000000000000. Aaaaaaahhhhh! Make it stop! It's just six horrible songs. Three of these are horribly mutilated versions of the Indiana Jones theme song which loop endlessly every five or so seconds. One of the songs sounds far too much like Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, while the next sounds like that Place in France rhyme from grade school. The last song is played when our...uhm...hero? dies. It's far too cheery.
Story 1-100000000000000. So some princess chick rules some kingdom with three gems. One day some evil dude comes and steals one of the gems, releasing Boralis/Varalys, an evil demon dude who can't remember what his name is. The princess chick gets turned into three fairies (boy this is horrible), and Sir Jim of the Disfunctional Sword is called on to save the day.
Final verdict: Stay away from this game!

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